Feeling (more like) myself

And some things I've loved lately...

If you’ve been reading — or rather not reading, because I haven’t been writing here frequently — between the lines, I suspect it may be obvious that I have not been at my best for a while. I don’t say that self-critically. I say it because it’s how I feel. In December, I shared a little bit about my 2025 and how it was not necessarily good or bad, but rather full of change.

Historically, I don’t like change. I like routine and carefully construct my life around it. I’ve noticed recently that a lot of my efforts have been around trying to regain the same feelings or routines that I had before, when I was teaching and waking up early to write, and only going to spin class a few times a week. I can’t speak to the personal changes in my life without mentioning the ways the world has changed. We are living in frightening times that are destabilizing.

In reality, my life is different now. I spend my time differently. My interests, my schedule, my relationships, and my way of being in the world have changed. I knew that on a practical level, but with any change, there is grief.

Thankfully, life has worked out in a way that has gotten me out of my routine. We had a week-long break that Amy and I spent in Palm Springs with our friends Jenn and Brad. While we did nothing but lounge and snack, it was good to be out of the house and truly rest for a few days and to spend time with dear friends.

Friends! Art! Palm Springs!

This past week, I had the chance to surprise my friend Melissa to celebrate the release of her newest (incredible!) novel, Hemlock. Melissa is a dear friend, but she was also my grad school advisor and my workshop leader at Kenyon. Her book event in Chicago was a conversation with my beloved friend Megan Stielstra, another teacher/mentor turned close friend. Getting to have dinner with them, hear Melissa speak, and spend time with Megan reset my brain and heart. They know me and my work and my writing self, and while we didn’t discuss it at length, being around them revitalized me.

I was in Chicago, so I got to stay with Brad and Jenn (seeing them twice in two weeks is truly wild and also the very best!), and there is something so precious about being with a friend like Jenn who has seen me through so many iterations of myself and can reflect some things to me that I need to consider.

I got to walk around the Chicago Art Institute alone and see beautiful art. Chicago has incredible food and things to see, and despite O’Hare, I think it’s officially my favorite American city, not only because so many people I love live there.

When I flew in last night, I felt rejuvenated — not because I was in my routine, but because I was out of it. I was away, on a little adventure, separated from my life for just enough time to get some distance. Over the past year, I’ve wanted more than anything to feel like myself. The past few weeks have given slivers of myself — not the same self, the new one — back to me.

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As always, I like to share things I’ve been loving lately. Here are just a few:

1. I’ve been using this pre-shampoo treatment from Olaplex and it’s incredible. My hair feels a million times better.

2. I got into white pants last year, and these from Ann Taylor have me feeling excited for summer!

3. Cannot get enough of the Ruggable in my living room, and finally decided on this one for my kitchen!

4. I loved this essay about being THAT GIRL when you feel dead inside.

5. A few things to do when you’re not feeling well.

6. I’m on the hunt for a perfect white sneaker for spring and summer, specifically to wear with dresses. I’m considering this Birkenstock pair. I will also DEFINITELY be getting a new pair of Sambas. I wear them nearly every day.

7. I regret to inform you that the Victoria Beckham x Augustinus Bader Foundation Drops are worth every penny. This is the foundation I’ve been looking for my entire life: glowy, buildable coverage, smoothing. Highly recommend.

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