Formative (and BONKERS!) books of my childhood!

Reading IS Fundamental! Also, the 90s were a wild time.

I love You’ve Got Mail an absurd amount. During the early days of the pandemic, I attended a PowerPoint party hosted by my friend Jenn, where I gave a compelling presentation titled “You’ve Got Mail: A Perfect Film.”

I love many moments of this movie, but one of my favorites is when Kathleen Kelly talks about the books you read as a child. It hits home, of course, not only because I was a big reader, but because as a middle school teacher, I secretly hope that the novels I teach (primarily The Outsiders and The Giver) are memorable for my students.

One of my favorite things to discuss with friends is the books they loved as a kid and why. I love to hear about their third-grade teacher reading Miss Nelson Is Missing! or Sideways Stories From Wayside School or about the nights they spent under the covers finishing the last pages of a Boxcar Kids book or a Lois Duncan mystery.

I’d love to hear about yours, too. And of course, I’ll share mine.

Here’s To You, Rachel Robinson

Starting with a bit of a sleeper: Judy Blume is, of course, the patron saint of adolescent literature (if you haven’t watched the documentary about her, you should!), but the companion to this book, Just As Long As We’re Together, is far more famous.

I love Rachel Robinson wholeheartedly because she was the first character I ever read about who discussed anxiety. Rachel had a complex family and found solace in pursuing perfectionism in her grades and flute-playing. She didn’t feel secure in her close friendships and didn’t know how to put less pressure on herself. She was fastidious, intelligent, and saturated in anxiety.

In short, I felt seen. I could never achieve the perfect grades or success that she did; however, it was the first time I saw parts of myself I didn’t know how to name in a book. I love it forever.

Elizabeth The Impossible

Similarly, I loved Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield so much; this book lives in my brain rent-free. There is a Model Student competition in this chapter of the long tale of these “perfect size six twins” with their aquamarine eyes and matching gold lavalier necklaces. Jessica is convinced that Elizabeth can, and should, win and makes it her mission.

First, let me say that this kind of contest would have been an all-consuming obsession for me and there was no way I would have won. This also feels like an opportune time to air one of my biggest grievances about my childhood: I NEVER GOT TO PARTICIPATE IN A SPELLING BEE. I would have dominated, and I sadly missed my calling.

Anyway, back to this Great American Novel: Elizabeth takes it too far! She is bossy and controlling, becomes even less fun than usual, starts dressing like a schoolmarm, and keeps a daily checklist of things she should do each day on a clipboard she carries everywhere!

If you know me well, you should know that I 100% live for a checklist. It makes me so happy. I make them for myself! AND THEY RULE. This book honestly changed my life forever.

Kristy’s Great Idea

This should shock zero people. I LOVED THE BABY-SITTER’S CLUB. Girls making money, being bossy, hanging out with kids? Come on. I read the entire series and loved every minute. As an adult, I still chase the high of the day a Super Special would drop.

I was desperate to be a Mary-Anne: quiet, shy, beautiful handwriting. I knew I was not remotely cool enough to be a Stacey or a Claudia. I like Dawn, but also not my vibe, and I was absolutely not a Junior Member like Mallory or Jessi.

I now admit that I am and have always been, a Kristy. Bossy! Love a club! Can run things! I used to think she was insufferable because she was so much, and while I do have a splash of Mary-Anne’s quiet and beautiful handwriting, I have come to love my inner Kristy Thomas.

The Face On The Milk Carton

This book was a wild ride. When Janie sees a photo of herself on a milk carton, she begins to suspect that her parents kidnapped her as a kid. There’s a long sordid tale (and more books in the series) dedicated to Janie, and it features everything from a cult to prostitution to a college-age boyfriend dating a 15-year-old and a very clear sense that they’re going to have sex (they don’t, but daaaang) and parental illness. It was absolutely insane. I truly cannot believe that I read this book no later than third grade. I was not prepared.

Baby Alicia Is Dying

THIS BOOK IS REPREHENSIBLE. I will not link it.

Desi, a teen girl, volunteers at an orphanage-adjacent place called ChildCare where babies who are HIV-positive go because their mothers cannot take care of them. Desi loves spending her time there and becomes invested in the kids, especially baby Alicia.

Desi’s mom has always been cold towards her, despite them having a lovely house and Desi getting whatever she wants, so she COMPARES HER PROBLEMS TO ALICIA’S. Um, Desi? This is an HIV-positive baby born to a drug-addicted mother, not some “My mommy isn’t nice” suburban white girl nonsense. Desi’s best friend, Corinne, doesn’t understand why Desi wants to spend all her time with the babies when some cool girls from the pep club want them to go to the mall, and Corinne has a fab new boyf to discuss! It’s truly bonkers. Valerie, Desi’s big sister, and their mother’s preferred child is away at school, and Desi is miserable without her, and so is Desi’s mom!

If the cover is not a clue, let me spell it out for you: the racism in this book is next-level, horrible, unacceptable garbage. There are school bullies who terrorize Desi and paint a slur (that I will never type nor say!) on her locker. The depiction of drug users and addiction is abominable. The fears around AIDS are meant to be disproven but aren’t, and the fact that this book was published in 1990 should give you an idea of just how ghastly the ideas are. Also, Desi, a literal child, believes that no mother should get a child back if they deliberately gave them up — even though this poor teen girl in active addiction did it to prevent further harm to her kid. Yes, Lurlene, give us no nuance or actual thought!

In the end, Baby Alicia dies, which unexpectedly helps Desi and her mom grow closer. Desi finds out that her mom lost a baby before she was born, and that is why there’s (as Desi puts it) “a wall between them.” When Desi was born, her mom CLEARLY had postpartum depression and was traumatized by losing a child (though in proper boomer mom form, we don’t see her go to therapy; however, she does take a lovely interior design course that “gets her life back on track”). We learn that Baby Alicia’s mom is also getting a happier ending: she’s getting her high school diploma.

The only redeemable person in this godforsaken book is Desi’s hot lab partner, Brian, who spells out the point of the book for everyone (I dug for this quote): “People who hate everyone who’s different — blacks, gays, any minority — it doesn’t matter. They’re misguided jerks who spout ‘ethnic purity’ and have no tolerance for anyone different from them. I think it’s a disease worse than AIDS.”

It’s not enough to save this book. But don’t worry, Lurlene McDaniel wrote many other YA books, including so! many! books! where teens get cancer or have a heart transplant. Another real standout is Mother, Please Don’t Die, in which a girl’s mom has headaches that turn out to be A BRAIN TUMOR. Guess what I worried about every time my mom took a Tylenol?

DID I MENTION I HAD ANXIETY AS A CHILD? Lurlene should be contributing to my therapy bills.

A Summer To Die

Another book for which I am owed compensation. I love Lois Lowry, and I think she is a brilliant writer. The Giver is my absolute favorite book to teach and I have never used another text that inspires such rich discussion.

A Summer To Die is a heartbreaking story of 13-year-old Meg, whose older sister, Molly, gets leukemia and dies. There is a very vivid scene where they wake up and Molly is covered in blood and I think about it weekly, at minimum.

This book is based on Lowry’s own loss of her sister to cancer, which I didn’t know until recently. It’s a great book, but once again, I do think that every YA book in the 90s was not ideal for kids prone to anxiety.

Goosebumps

These books scared the ever-loving shit out of me as a kid. To this day, I don’t care for ventriloquist dummies, and while I wasn’t afraid of cameras, this book did haunt me.

Flowers In The Attic

I was not a child who got into trouble often, but one of the most memorable times was the year I was in a 4th-5th combination class (obviously, I was in 4th grade, COME ON) and made friends with a very cool 5th-grade girl named Ciera. Ciera taught me many things: about tarot, horoscopes, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and of course, Flowers In The Attic. She also taught me every bad word I’ve ever known! And, best of all, she made me a secret code for us to use in notes so we could say all the bad things, and my dumb little self left the paper with said code IN MY LUNCH BOX, and my mom found it, and that was the end of a short, but impactful friendship that brought this little nightmare into my life. I have no idea where Ciera is now, but I hope she is well and thriving and covered in piercings and tattoos and not some trad wife!!! Never let them change you!

You must tell me: what is on your list? Are you, too, haunted by these books?